La Rue Est Difficile... Mais Je Ne Pas Peur!

I am not afraid. This is not that day.
You took from me.
You took my friends, family, and me.
For 2 years you did.
I can't believe you had that much time.

But now I'm back
I'm here and strong.
I am standing on my own two feet
Which is more than you can say for yourself.

Good luck being 30 and still alone.
He was right: you'd make a great man-whore.
Looks like you've made him proud.

Good job fucking everyone over.
Now you stand alone.
And you have to deal with what you've done.

All I remember of you is when you manipulated me.
Is that what you wanted?



Where did it go?
Where is the young one who held me so gingerly?
Where are the heartfelt moments which I hold so dear?

Where are you passion?
I desperately need you.


Control. written June 8, 2010

Never ever fall in love with a liar.
Never fall in love with a cheater.
Never fall in love with that guy.
He's not who you think he is,
and in no time at all you see the controlling side.

And all you do now is get angry.

Get it out.
Let it out.
Scream and cry and bang and throw.
And never fall in love with anyone like that again.

Especially when he runs through women with the lustful eyes.
Never fall in love with a cheater.

Never ever ever fall in love with that guy.
He will control.
And he will use pain for his lyrics.
Instead of really thinking it through.

Because I guarantee, by the time you're done processing,
He's already had at least one woman. maybe 2 or 3.

Go ahead. Tell him he was right. Tell him force is needed.
Teach him lies. Teach him 'whatever makes him happy'
Because in the end, he will do what makes him happy.
No matter what it takes. And no matter who it hurts.

There's no jealousy, I'd never want to end up that way.
There's no want, I'd never want to end up so crushed again.
There's no feeling.

To be honest with you, It's just anger.
And it'll pass.

Maybe I'm some crazy bitch who is 'too young to get it'
But I'll grow up.

You? You'll never stop controlling.
30 more minutes with my friends please?
No. It's over.

You? You'll never stop yelling.
Bitch you nasty bitch. fuck you. fuck you.

You? You'll never let go.
I'll get over it. But you can't.
Your mind won't let you anymore.
How many more will it take to realize that it isn't the women.
They aren't completely the problem.

I'll get over it. But you, you can't.
'but i already am' you say.

When's the last time you stayed single for more than 2 months?
You can't handle it.


His Joy Dances On His Lips

Tonight freedom really hit me.

I let my heart realize finally that no matter the wrongs I've felt,
I still have a lot of living to do.

Here's another round to a life full of laughter and hope.

While he's checking to see if there's anything written here...
I hope he knows he's on my mind.
I hope he knows that when he comes back.. my heart is here.
I hope he knows that I love him so very much.

Yes. I love him.

Something I was desperately afraid of is now a freedom.
him. with his long hair and deep blues.
He is worth smiling about.
He's worth fighting for...wanna know why?

Because he believes I'm worth fighting for.
He's got heart. and spunk.
He's a feisty one and I love it.

Don't tell him I said this...
but when I rise,
I hope that I can see his face this day.
For he is gentle.
His eyes are calming.
He speaks of joy and love always.

He makes me smile without trying.
without trying.
No lies. no manipulation.

Love. which transcends all.

Love truly is magic in every sense of the word.
It's strength on a difficult day.
It's peace during war.

Love is patient... like his heart.

His love is pure.
I couldn't ask for a better man.
I couldn't ask for a better heart.
I couldn't ask for a gentler touch.

He is my man.
And he is worth fighting for.



Life is much better
once you realize that home
is exactly where you belong
and exactly where you want to be.


little one

You kissed me.
And it was breath-taking.
I never wanna come up for air again.
I think I'll rest by you now.
You're one I actually trust.
And It's beautiful.

More Ranting... You seem to be good inspiration.

And now we're each dealing in our own ways.
You with your cheating and me with my prayers.
I've found love that's better than any we ever had.
I look up and I know...I know I'm safe.
Because I no longer put my life into you.
I put my life into Him.

If I had read that myself I would have rolled my eyes.
I used to.
But after nights of lying on the floor
Crying until my body could no longer handle it
and forced itself to sleep,
Days full of emptiness,
Weeks of rage and anger,
I realized that I really need something better.
Someone more reliable.

You have a new girl,
I hope you're doing better.
I honestly do.
I prayed for you the other night.
It was anger, then tears,
then pounding the floor asking what the hell happened anyway..

I don't have a way with words right now..
It's just me saying how I feel.
I'm not bitter anymore.
I let you go.
You let me go.
We had to.

All I am now is inspiration for sad songs,
ya know.. the ones you'll be singing for the rest of your life.
I'll be in your mind.
And you'll be in mine.. but as someone wise said,
you're in my mind but you're not in my heart anymore
It's not yours and it never will be.

You took something from me.
Made promises you meant to keep.
It's ok, i made promises too.
I guess it's all to hell now.

My wish for you that you can find someone
Someone you don't have to actively control
Someone who blindly believes your ideas
Someone who will do what you want and never think for herself
Someone who doesn't mind if they never see their friends again.
Someone who needs your approval for everything
Someone without a brain
Someone who does exactly what you want

You are that guy
You're the guy that loved me for what I could do for you.
If you had truly loved me,
You never would have asked me to do those things
You never would have hurt me like you did.
You would have understood me needing to have friends.
You asshole.

Congratulations anyway.
You've now joined the club no one wants to be a part of.

Go tell them I was just young and didn't know any better
Tell them I was evil and 'put my friends over you'

Remember this,
I tried my hardest.
I never gave up.
I was tired of being controlled.
And you wronged me.
I wronged you.
I'm sorry.
I've forgiven you for things you don't even know you did.

I haven't heard your voice in three months.
It's fucked up.
You erased yourself completely.
It's like I tried everything I could.
and all i have left is an empty jewelry box with your key,
your letter, your bullshit.

I was never the one you couldn't trust.

Pick up all those pictures of us.
And remember that we loved each other.
I was worth trusting.
You threw me in the trash.

I will never be called a bitch again.

You never could be alone.
We were just two lonely people
with meaningless words between us
trying to figure out how to make this life pass.
You just can't seem to know what it means to be alone.
How's that rebound working for you?
Did she love like I did?
Did she smile at you like I did?
You don't even look at each other.
It means nothing.