Control. written June 8, 2010

Never ever fall in love with a liar.

Never fall in love with a cheater.

Never fall in love with that guy.

He's not who you think he is,

and in no time at all you see the controlling side.

And all you do now is get angry.

Get it out.

Let it out.

Scream and cry and bang and throw.

And never fall in love with anyone like that again.

Especially when he runs through women with the lustful eyes.

Never fall in love with a cheater.

Never ever ever fall in love with that guy.

He will control.

And he will use pain for his lyrics.

Instead of really thinking it through.

Because I guarantee, by the time you're done processing,

He's already had at least one woman. maybe 2 or 3.

Go ahead. Tell him he was right. Tell him force is needed.

Teach him lies. Teach him 'whatever makes him happy'

Because in the end, he will do what makes him happy.

No matter what it takes. And no matter who it hurts.

There's no jealousy, I'd never want to end up that way.

There's no want, I'd never want to end up so crushed again.

There's no feeling.

To be honest with you, It's just anger.

And it'll pass.

Maybe I'm some crazy bitch who is 'too young to get it'

But I'll grow up.

You? You'll never stop controlling.

30 more minutes with my friends please?

No. It's over.

You? You'll never stop yelling.

Bitch you nasty bitch. fuck you. fuck you.

You? You'll never let go.

I'll get over it. But you can't.

Your mind won't let you anymore.

How many more will it take to realize that it isn't the women.

They aren't completely the problem.

I'll get over it. But you, you can't.

'but i already am' you say.

When's the last time you stayed single for more than 2 months?

You can't handle it.

His Joy Dances On His Lips

Tonight freedom really hit me.

I let my heart realize finally that no matter the wrongs I've felt,

I still have a lot of living to do.

Here's another round to a life full of laughter and hope.

While he's checking to see if there's anything written here...

I hope he knows he's on my mind.

I hope he knows that when he comes back.. my heart is here.

I hope he knows that I love him so very much.

Yes. I love him.

Something I was desperately afraid of is now a freedom.

him. with his long hair and deep blues.

He is worth smiling about.

He's worth fighting for...wanna know why?

Because he believes I'm worth fighting for.

He's got heart. and spunk.

He's a feisty one and I love it.

Don't tell him I said this...

but when I rise,

I hope that I can see his face this day.

For he is gentle.

His eyes are calming.

He speaks of joy and love always.

He makes me smile without trying.

without trying.

No lies. no manipulation.

Love. which transcends all.

Love truly is magic in every sense of the word.

It's strength on a difficult day.

It's peace during war.

Love is patient... like his heart.

His love is pure.

I couldn't ask for a better man.

I couldn't ask for a better heart.

I couldn't ask for a gentler touch.

He is my man.

And he is worth fighting for.

Familiarity

Life is much better

once you realize that home

is exactly where you belong

and exactly where you want to be.

little one

You kissed me.

And it was breath-taking.

I never wanna come up for air again.

I think I'll rest by you now.

You're one I actually trust.

And It's beautiful.

More Ranting... You seem to be good inspiration.

And now we're each dealing in our own ways.

You with your cheating and me with my prayers.

I've found love that's better than any we ever had.

I look up and I know...I know I'm safe.

Because I no longer put my life into you.

I put my life into Him.

If I had read that myself I would have rolled my eyes.

I used to.

But after nights of lying on the floor

Crying until my body could no longer handle it

and forced itself to sleep,

Days full of emptiness,

Weeks of rage and anger,

I realized that I really need something better.

Someone more reliable.

You have a new girl,

I hope you're doing better.

I honestly do.

I prayed for you the other night.

It was anger, then tears,

then pounding the floor asking what the hell happened anyway..

I don't have a way with words right now..

It's just me saying how I feel.

I'm not bitter anymore.

I let you go.

You let me go.

We had to.

All I am now is inspiration for sad songs,

ya know.. the ones you'll be singing for the rest of your life.

I'll be in your mind.

And you'll be in mine.. but as someone wise said,

you're in my mind but you're not in my heart anymore

It's not yours and it never will be.

You took something from me.

Made promises you meant to keep.

It's ok, i made promises too.

I guess it's all to hell now.

My wish for you that you can find someone

Someone you don't have to actively control

Someone who blindly believes your ideas

Someone who will do what you want and never think for herself

Someone who doesn't mind if they never see their friends again.

Someone who needs your approval for everything

Someone without a brain

Someone who does exactly what you want

You are that guy

You're the guy that loved me for what I could do for you.

If you had truly loved me,

You never would have asked me to do those things

You never would have hurt me like you did.

You would have understood me needing to have friends.

You asshole.

Congratulations anyway.

You've now joined the club no one wants to be a part of.

Go tell them I was just young and didn't know any better

Tell them I was evil and 'put my friends over you'

Remember this,

I tried my hardest.

I never gave up.

I was tired of being controlled.

And you wronged me.

I wronged you.

I'm sorry.

I've forgiven you for things you don't even know you did.

I haven't heard your voice in three months.

It's fucked up.

You erased yourself completely.

It's like I tried everything I could.

and all i have left is an empty jewelry box with your key,

your letter, your bullshit.

I was never the one you couldn't trust.

Pick up all those pictures of us.

And remember that we loved each other.

I was worth trusting.

You threw me in the trash.

I will never be called a bitch again.

You never could be alone.

We were just two lonely people

with meaningless words between us

trying to figure out how to make this life pass.

You just can't seem to know what it means to be alone.

How's that rebound working for you?

Did she love like I did?

Did she smile at you like I did?

You don't even look at each other.

It means nothing.

Aretha had it all figured out..

I will never cut my hair for a man again.

I will never allow him to make my decisions.

I will never allow him to tell me what to do.

I will never allow him to tell me what to believe.

I will never allow him to shut me off from anyone.

I gave love, honor, respect and received evil.

I was not perfect. But I was caring.

He needed perfect. Too damn bad.

I am not and will never bend to a man's will again.

Today I am a new woman with new strengths.

I will love like no one ever has.

I will show honesty and kindness to all.

I will be loved for who I am,

not for the person you turned me into.

I am me. Not anyone else.

I am a person who has hopes and dreams,

and you will not take them away from me.

I will be respected from this day forward.

Rants of all colors and sizes

Fuck this 'heartbreak' shit.

If you want love,

Prepare your heart.

Because love is a bitch that rips you up and breaks you down.

Get ready.

It's on it's way and it's gonna have a beautiful face.

With smart eyes that peel back your shell,

Black hair that burns in your mind.

And you'll fall head over heels.

And years later you'll realize...

Shit...I'm not ready for this.

And when you feel that,

Run...run hard

because love will eat you up.

It'll break your heart.

In an ice rink when you see he's cheating

In his car in front of Panera (even though you wanted him back)

And on the phone. twice.

Don't tell me you cared.

I already know that.

Show me what it really meant.

Don't fuck with me now.

I'm ready

And I'll kick your ass if you even try to control me

I'm on a rampage and I'm not releasing this until you do.

I loved you and didn't know how to show it.

I've been lied to, controlled, beaten and other things

And I've done them to. Especially to you.

And I broke you.

And you in turn broke me.

Congrats... now we're both fucked.